Hard Lessons

Man oh man...October comes with rain and hard lessons. Haven't quite reached enlightenment yet. My wife and I...we've crossed over into new territory ( a bad neighborhood, if you will). Look...I've got my baggage too. We're all here to learn, right? Well guess what world? I'm still learning...still forgetting...still stuck. Man, I feel like I've been chosen by unseen forces to complete some mission and Man , I wish I knew what that mission was. My wife, beautiful, blond, Viking--we have reached a place of NO CONTACT until November 5th. My heart is shattered. This is it: we either confront our demons or we pack our bags and say Sayonara to another American Marriage. I still have hope. I know we can slay the beast...I just need to know if she's willing. If not....tune in next month.

Talk About Lost.

Man...talk about lost. Back in Iowa and trying to put some kind of creative project together. I'm also trying to get a short story published. I'm also trying to save my marriage. I'm also trying to be the best father a man can be. Love...it gets all mixed up in the clouds. Somedays are harder than others. I need something to grab on to. Maybe I'll make a movie. Or maybe...just maybe...I'll write that novel that's been loading me down for years. Wouldn't that be something?

Ordinary Man

Yes...that's me; an ordinary man. I thought I was destined for so much more. Maybe we all think that. But here I am--worrying about bills , marriage and the future of my beautiful 5 year old son. I write. It all ends up in boxes, shelves, computer files. Does anyone ever read it? Does anyone ever care? I talk to myself. That helps. Maybe that's what all my writing is anyway...just an uninterrupted conversation with myself so I can try and make sense of things. It is three o'clock. Not my favorite time of day. And to think I was going to call my wife and tell her I miss her.

Train in NY

Man...the trees fly by like a river of green. I'm on a train heading across Western NY heading to Saratoga Springs to see my mother. These Amtrak guys...bitching about some passenger that held them up for nine minutes. Not me...I stepped off the train in Buffalo to stretch my legs and walked into a wall of cigarette smoke. I called my brother. He will pick me up in Schenectady at one thirty. I will be glad to be home. I will eat wings and watch football and take long walks in the woods and think about my wife. We are struggling...I hope we can find a way to find each other again. I will be gone for a week and then back to Iowa where this thing called marriage will begin its next course.